Bad Days
by Oregano
Summary: Continuation of Sucks To Be You. Adventure strikes when a man starts giving Luke the heebie jeebies, Lorelai breaks her front door, and Jess and Rory suddenly find themselves constantly bumping into each other.
1. A Bit On The Strong Side

**BAD DAYS**  
By Oregano

**EXT. GILMORE RESIDENCE – PORCH – DAY**  
LORELAI GILMORE stands in front of the door with her back to the camera. She is holding two very big bags of GROCERIES. She grunts and pushes at the door. It's stuck.   
  
She frowns and drops the bags to the ground. She steps back a bit and rams it with her shoulder.  
  
The door opens.  
  
Lorelai smiles proudly. But her smile quickly morphs into a face of panic.  
  
We hear a CREAK, and the door suddenly comes off its hinges and CRASHES into the front hall.  
  
**RORY (O. C.)**  
Mom?   
  
RORY GILMORE runs into the frame from the kitchen.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Um. I think we may have a teensy bit of a problem…  
  
**RORY**  
Oh, no. Mom! I told you that the door was broken!  
  
**LORELAI**  
I didn't mean to break it even more! I was carrying so much stuff and the door was stuck, and my hand was starting to pulse in that weird uncomfortable manner and the door wouldn't open and-- and…   
  
**RORY**  
Uh huh. And?  
  
Lorelai thinks for a second.  
  
**LORELAI**  
I'll give you a big bag of candy if you stop looking at me like that.  
  
We see that Rory has her arms folded against her chest, glaring a bit at Lorelai.  
  
Lorelai pauses for a moment and quickly bends down to her grocery bags. She gets up and holds a bag of candy in one hand and a box of Pop Tart Danishes in the other.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Aaaand, this box of Danishes!  
  
Lorelai swings the box around and accidentally hits the other door. The box flies out of her hands and smashes through the glass.  
  
**RORY**  
Mom!  
  
Lorelai blinks.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Ah, I guess I'll go call Luke.  
  
**   
INT. LUKE'S DINER – DAY**  
The Diner isn't very busy. There is a small FAMILY at one side, and a MAN on one of the tables near the counter.  
  
We hear a JINGLE as Lorelai and Rory come in.  
  
**LORELAI**  
HEY LUKE! WE NEED YOUR SEXY MANLINESS OVER AT OUR CRIB!  
  
LUKE DANES pops out of the kitchen doorway and glares at Lorelai.  
  
**LUKE**  
Will you keep your voice down?! Jesus!  
  
**LORELAI**  
Ooooh, I'm sorry my cute little hunny-bunchy!  
  
Lorelai makes her way to Luke with her arms open.  
  
Luke rolls his eyes and waits for her to come closer.  
  
But Lorelai TRIPS over the MAN'S (who was sitting near the counter) foot and pitches forward.   
  
We follow Lorelai's hand as it inadvertently slaps Luke in the face.  
  
Luke stops abruptly as Lorelai hits the floor.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Gah! Why didn't you catch me?!  
  
Lorelai gets up.  
  
**LUKE**  
Did you just SMACK me?  
  
Lorelai cracks a smile, but tries to contain it.  
  
Rory snorts back a laugh.  
  
**LUKE**  
Lorelai, you just hit me in the face.  
  
**LORELAI**  
I realize that, Luke. And I'm sorry.  
  
Lorelai puts her arms around Luke and gives him a kiss.   
  
**MAN (O. C.)**  
Hey, are you guys okay?  
  
The MAN who caused all the ruckus stands.  
  
**MAN**  
I'm so sorry. I have this bad habit of stretching in public. I really should keep my legs closer to myself.   
  
**LUKE**  
Yeah.  
(beat)  
Better yet, just sever them off. I'd gladly do it for you. I think I have a saw back there somewhere…  
  
**MAN**  
Excuse me?  
  
**LORELAI**  
Don't listen to him, he's supposed to be adorable that way.  
  
Luke grunts.  
  
**LORELAI**   
(cont'd)  
I'm Lorelai Gilmore. This is my daughter, Rory.  
  
**RORY**  
Hey.  
  
Rory waves.  
  
**MAN**  
Oh, my name's Chance.  
  
**LUKE**  
Like the dog?  
  
**LORELAI**  
Will you stop that? Whatever happened to the sort-of-nice Luke that everyone loved?  
  
**LUKE**  
Some mentally unstable lady smacked him in the face.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Will you let that go already?  
  
**LUKE**  
No. I will not let that go. Nice girls don't beat up their boyfriends.  
  
Lorelai rolls her eyes.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Whatever gave you the idea that I was a nice girl? I ran away from the plaid and the saddle shoes a long time ago, Buddy.  
(looks at Rory, who is in her Chilton uniform)  
No offense, Hun.  
  
**RORY**  
None taken, James Dean.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Anyway, Luke, my pal, my friend, love of my life, I need a favour to ask you.  
  
**LUKE**  
What now?  
  
**LORELAI**  
I broke my door and I need you and Bert to do things to it.  
  
Chance suddenly smiles at them O. C. He returns to his seat and resumes eating.  
  
Rory is left out of the exchange. She looks to the doorway to the apartment. She thinks for a moment and walks towards it.   
  
A few feet before reaching it, she whips around and exits the Diner.  
  
**   
EXT. GILMORE RESIDENCE – PORCH – DAY**  
Luke examines the damage to the front door.  
  
Lorelai stands behind him.  
  
**LUKE**  
Jesus, what did you do? Use a battering ram?  
  
**LORELAI**  
I was stuck!  
  
Luke turns the door over.  
  
**LUKE**  
I think it was locked.  
  
**LORELAI**  
What? Am I that stupid? Oh, God, Luke! What if I have Alzheimer's? I have to write your name on your forehead so I can identify you.  
  
**LUKE**  
I was joking.  
  
**LORELAI**  
What?  
  
**LUKE**  
I was joking. It's been known to be done by human beings once in a while, Lorelai.  
  
**LORELAI**  
But... you don't joke. If you do, it's a grumpy, sarcastic, cynical joke-joke, not a ha-ha-gotcha! joke-joke, and you're not exactly life-of-the-party material...  
  
**LUKE**  
(deadpan)  
Thank you. I feel a blush coming on.  
(beat)  
I'll come back tomorrow with my tools. For the mean time, I suggest you comethrough the back door.  
(holds his hands up)  
Dirty, I know. Spare me.  
  
  
**EXT. GILMORE RESIDENCE – PORCH – DAY (THE NEXT DAY)**  
Luke pulls the door upright and measures the glass frame.  
  
Lorelai comes out with a glass of lemonade.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Lemonade for my man.  
  
Luke stares at it.  
  
**LUKE**  
You sure this is ingestible?  
  
Lorelai sighs.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Yes.  
  
**LUKE**  
Did you put sugar on it?  
  
**LORELAI**  
Yes.  
  
**LUKE**  
How much sugar?  
  
**LORELAI**  
Yes.  
  
**LUKE**  
What?  
  
**LORELAI**  
What?  
  
**LUKE**  
I think I have to lie down. Stop playing with my head, dammit!  
  
**LORELAI**  
And what a hot head it is.  
  
**LUKE**  
You're so annoying.  
  
**LORELAI**  
But you love me.  
  
Luke kisses Lorelai.  
  
Suddenly, we see JESS MARIANO come out from behind the bushes.  
  
He sees them and makes a face. He keeps walking to the porch, grabs the hammer and leaves.  
  
**JESS**  
Gross. Get a room.  
  
Lorelai breaks away.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Did Satan just walk by? Because his trial of fire'll scorch my tulips.  
  
**LUKE**  
Lorelai...  
(beat)  
He's helping me out.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Oh.  
  
Lorelai looks at her watch.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Hey, I have to get back to the Inn. I'll see you and my fixed door later.  
  
  
**EXT. SIDEWALK – DAY**  
Rory is in her Chilton uniform, on her way home. She passes a corner and sees Jess. Her eyes widen and she quickly darts behind a tree.  
  
Jess raises an eyebrow.  
  
**CLOSE ON**: Side of the tree. We see part of Rory's skirt peek out.  
  
**JESS**  
I'm not going to kill you.  
  
Rory takes a breath and peers at Jess from behind the tree. She clears her throat and walks out timidly.  
  
**RORY**  
Hey.  
  
**JESS**  
Hey.  
  
**RORY**  
What are you doing here?  
  
**JESS**  
This conversation's sounds oddly familiar. You're not going to kiss me and run again, are you? Because this Batman-esque utility belt, while fashionable, is going to slow me down.  
  
**RORY**  
Jess…  
  
**JESS**  
Sorry, low blow. I know.  
  
**RORY**  
What are you doing here?  
  
**JESS**  
Fixing your door. You guys really need a new house.  
  
**RORY**  
Oh. Well, I'm going to go inside now. Away from… this.  
  
Rory does a gesture.  
  
**JESS**  
And I'll be out here… in… this.  
  
Jess copies the same gesture.  
  
Rory walks around him and his tools. She jumps up the porch steps. She stops and turns around.  
  
**RORY**  
Do you…  
  
Jess looks up.  
  
**JESS**  
What?  
  
**RORY**  
Do you want to come inside for a sec? We have those apple Danishes that come in packets that come in a box. It looks kind of gross, but once you nuke it, it's actually deceivingly good.  
  
Jess smirks.  
  
He drops his hammer and follows Rory inside.


	2. Special Treatment

**INT. GILMORE RESIDENCE – DAY**  
We round the corner towards the kitchen as we hear the sound of a MICROWAVE.   
  
Jess sits on one of the kitchen chairs and watches Rory carefully.  
  
Rory knows Jess is watching her. She clears her throat and pretends not to notice. She turns around casually.  
  
Jess just keeps staring at her.  
  
**RORY**  
Do I have something on my face?  
  
**JESS**  
No, nothing on your face.  
  
**RORY**  
Then why do you keep looking at me like that?  
  
**JESS**  
No reason. Just contemplating.  
  
**RORY**  
Contemplating.  
  
**JESS**  
Yup.  
  
**RORY**  
Contemplating what?  
  
**JESS**  
Well, actually, I was wondering.  
  
**RORY**  
What? What were you wondering?  
  
**JESS**  
Why you asked me to come in.  
  
The microwave BEEPS.  
  
Rory jumps and takes the Danishes out. She puts them on a plate and hands it to Jess.  
  
Jess nods and takes it.  
  
**RORY**  
I asked you to come inside because I felt like giving you a Danish, which I have just handed to you now.  
  
**JESS**  
Uh huh. I was that special to get a Danish? What about Luke? He's out buying paint, but when he comes back, does he get one, too? I bet Dean gets a strawberry one, eh? With pink napkins under it to show just how manly he is…  
  
**RORY**  
You really should stop this.  
  
**JESS**  
Stop what?  
  
Jess smirks again.  
  
**RORY**  
That. Baiting me with the stuff that you say. And making fun of Dean.  
  
**JESS**  
So Luke and Dean don't get Danishes? Only I do?  
  
**RORY**  
(sighs)  
Jess…  
  
**JESS**  
This is a really good Danish, and you're only sharing it with me? My, I am indeed the specialest little boy.  
  
Jess finishes the Danish and wipes his mouth. He walks over to the sink, purposefully walking very close to Rory.   
  
Rory defiantly stands her ground, which caused Jess to brush against her shoulder.   
  
Jess smiles and leaves.  
  
**JESS**  
Bye, Rory.  
  
Rory watches Jess exit. She sighs and sits on a chair.  
  
**  
EXT. CHILTON – DAY**  
We follow a few students come out of the gate. Then we ZOOM to Rory, carrying her backpack and a stack of books. PARIS GELLAR walks beside her.  
  
Paris holds a smaller stack of papers. She flips one up and folds it over.  
  
**PARIS**  
The chess team wants new chess pieces?  
  
**RORY**  
That's what they said.  
  
**PARIS**  
Screw the chess team. The teachers lounge needs a new sofa.  
  
**RORY**  
Are you kidding? Those chess pieces have been gnawed on and carved on and God knows what else, while the teachers, who have three already, get another sofa?  
  
**PARIS**  
Yes, but we need to suck up to the right people. A new couch will mean gratitude from the faculty. We'll have them eating out of our hand by Winter break.  
  
Paris gives out quite an evil snicker.  
  
Rory looks at Paris sideways worriedly.  
  
**VOICE (O. C.)**  
Rory!  
  
Both of them look up.  
  
Rory smiles.  
  
Paris rolls her eyes.  
  
**PARIS**  
Oh, yippee. Prince Charming awaits.  
  
DEAN FORESTER jogs up to them.   
  
**DEAN**  
Hey!  
  
Dean and Rory kiss.   
  
Paris makes a face and coughs loudly.  
  
**PARIS**  
So Rory, I'll see you tomorrow, and maybe we could figure out a way to get rid of all the unwanted stuff.  
  
Paris glares at Dean and exits.  
  
**DEAN**  
She needs a boyfriend.  
  
**RORY**  
I think a pet cat would do.  
  
**DEAN**  
Cats can sense evil. It'll probably keel over and die one day.  
  
**RORY**  
Anyway, what are you doing here?  
  
**DEAN**  
I came to pick you up and surprise you.  
  
**RORY**  
Colour me surprised.  
  
Dean laughs and takes her books. His smile fades when he sees what they're about.  
  
**CLOSE ON**. Harvard Calendar of Admissions.   
  
**DEAN**  
Harvard.  
  
**RORY**  
Yeah.  
  
**DEAN**  
That's pretty far.  
  
**RORY**  
I know.  
  
**DEAN**  
Do you really think things will work out between us?  
  
**RORY**  
Yes.  
  
**DEAN**  
I don't know…  
  
**RORY**  
Dean, not this again. Let's just forget about this for a moment.  
  
Rory takes the Harvard book away and takes Dean's arm.  
  
Dean doesn't follow.  
  
**DEAN**  
Rory—  
  
**RORY**  
What's wrong?  
  
**DEAN**  
I don't think I can do this.  
  
**RORY**  
Do what?  
  
**DEAN**  
This. I can't keep up with you anymore. First Jess, now this.  
  
**RORY**  
Dean?  
  
**DEAN**  
I love you, Rory, but I kind of know that you don't feel the way that I do anymore.  
  
**RORY**  
I do!  
  
**DEAN**  
It's better if we kind of… stopped… this.  
  
**RORY**  
Like a break?  
  
**DEAN**  
No. Like a break up.  
  
**RORY**  
Oh.  
  
**DEAN**  
I'm not stupid, Rory. I know I tie you down.  
  
**RORY**  
Dean…  
  
**DEAN**  
I'm serious, Rory.  
  
**RORY**  
Well, so am I.  
  
**DEAN**  
Don't make this harder than it already is.  
  
Rory looks up at him, slightly sad.   
  
Dean takes a deep breath and grins for her.  
  
Then she slowly smiles and cautiously gives Dean a hug.  
  
**DEAN**  
Uh, thanks.  
  
**RORY**  
We'll still be friends, right? None of that awkward, scary, distanced thing going on?  
  
**DEAN**  
Of course.  
  
Rory smiles and they pull apart.  
  
**RORY**  
I love you, Dean.  
  
**DEAN**  
(smiles)  
I know.  
(beat)  
He just better be half as good a boyfriend as I was or I'll kick his ass.  
  
**RORY**  
(surprised)  
What?  
  
Dean exits, looking at Rory knowingly.  
  
Rory stands there for a while, her mouth agape.  
  
  
**INT. HARDWARE STORE – DAY**  
Luke stands in front of a huge shelf that holds the paint. He looks at each one carefully.  
  
Then suddenly, CHANCE rounds the corner and bumps into him. He drops a roll of contact paper on the floor.  
  
**CHANCE**  
Oh, I'm really sorry!  
  
**LUKE**  
Hey, I remember you.  
  
**CHANCE**  
Oh, yeah! You're the guy from the Diner!  
  
**LUKE**  
And you're the one with the legs.  
  
**CHANCE**  
Yeah! Glad you remembered me.  
  
**LUKE**  
I didn't want to.  
  
Luke sees the roll of contact paper on the floor and picks it up.  
  
**CHANCE**  
But you did…  
  
**LUKE**  
Here, you dropped this.  
  
Luke hands Chance the roll.  
  
**CHANCE**   
Oh, thanks, Buddy!  
  
Luke raises an eyebrow.  
  
**LUKE**  
What did you just call me?  
  
**CHANCE**  
Buddy. That's what you are— my buddy!  
  
**LUKE**  
No, I'm not your stupid "Buddy," Chance!  
  
**CHANCE**  
See?! You even remember my name!  
  
Luke glares at Chance and grabs a can of paint.  
  
**CHANCE**  
Hey! I was going to get the same color!  
  
**LUKE**  
Leave me alone, you psycho!  
  
Luke walks away, annoyed.  
  
Chance smiles and waves after Luke.  
  
**CHANCE**  
Maybe we'll bump into each other again next time!  
  
**LUKE**  
I'll make sure to bring a can of pepper spray.  
  
**CHANCE**  
Bye!  
  
Luke grunts and exits.  
  
  
**INT. LUKE'S DINER – NIGHT**  
Lorelai walks in, looking very tired. She plops on a chair and rests her head in her hands.  
  
**LORELAI**  
What a day.  
  
Luke comes up from behind her and gives her a slice of pie.  
  
**LUKE**  
(flat)  
Here.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Thanks.  
(starts eating)  
So how was your day? Is my door finished yet?  
  
**LUKE**  
I still need some more nails. We had to build a whole new one. I ordered some glass. Probably come in two days.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Ugh. Two days. Just for glass?  
  
**LUKE**  
I know. Savages.  
  
The door to the Diner JINGLES and Luke faces to it O. C.  
  
**LOREALI**  
Hey, Chance!  
  
**LUKE**  
Oh, Jesus.  
  
**LORELAI**  
What's your problem?  
  
**LUKE**  
That guy's a tool. He's been following me around the whole freaking day. It's the fifth time I've seen him today.  
  
Chance walks up to them.  
  
**CHANCE**  
Hey, guys!  
  
**LORELAI**  
Hey!  
  
**LUKE**  
What do you want now?  
  
**CHANCE**  
Actually, I'd like some pie.  
  
**LUKE**  
There's no more. Lorelai's eating the last piece.  
  
**CHANCE**  
Well, what do you recommend?  
  
**LUKE**  
A tub of lard.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Luke makes the best coffee.  
  
**CHANCE**  
Oh, I love coffee!  
  
**LUKE**  
It's bad for you. It'll probably kill you.  
(beat)  
Hold on, I'll get you an extra large mug.  
  
Luke leaves.  
  
**LORELAI**  
I'm sorry about him.  
  
**CHANCE**  
Oh, that's fine! I think he's great!  
  
**LORELAI**  
(slightly taken aback)  
Oh. Huh. Yeah, he's my number one man.  
  
**CHANCE**  
So, how long have you guys been dating?  
  
**LORELAI**  
Wow. That felt like a whack in the face: sudden and surprising.  
  
**CHANCE**  
Oh, haha, I apologise. It's just that Luke seems like a really great guy.  
  
**LORELAI**  
(suspicious)  
You've said that already.  
  
**CHANCE**  
I did? Well, that's the truth.  
  
Luke comes back with a slightly bigger mug. He serves Chance his coffee. We see that the mug is completely full, almost overflowing, with coffee.  
  
**LUKE**  
Here.  
  
Chance looks up at Luke in an almost freakishly adoring way.  
  
Lorelai sees this and cocks an eyebrow.  
  
**LUKE**  
(to Chance)  
Well, I'm closing up. Finish your damned coffee and scram, will you?  
  
Chance nods and finishes his coffee. He stands and claps Luke in the shoulder.  
  
Luke raises an eyebrow and glares at Chance's hand.  
  
**LUKE**  
Don't touch me.  
  
Chance withdraws his hand and slowly exits.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Someone's got a "Secret Admirer." But not really secret. More like, "Blatant Admirer."  
  
**LUKE**  
Stop that.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Ooh, maybe tomorrow you'll get a big bouquet of flowers and a small pink box on your door!  
  
**LUKE**  
Lorelai…  
  
**LORELAI**  
(voice turns menacing)  
But when you open the box— AAAUGH! IT'S AN EAR!  
  
**LUKE**  
He's the biggest weirdo I've ever met. Next to you.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Oh, I just adore compliments.  
  
**LUKE**  
What do I do, Lorelai?  
  
**LORELAI**  
He's harmless, Luke. I'm sure you won't get any Hanibal-esque replays. Just ride it out.  
  
**LUKE**  
Okay, ride it out.

Luke stares OC with a scowl.  
  



	3. Your Very Own Luke Doll!

**INT. LUKE'S DINER – DAY**  
The door JINGLES O.C. and Luke looks up from the counter where he is busy with an order pad.  
  
Lorelai suddenly comes in and gives him a passionate kiss.  
  
They break apart and Luke stares in the distance, frozen.  
  
**LUKE**  
Yowza.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Did you just say, "Yowza"?  
  
**LUKE**  
What was that for?  
  
**LORELAI**  
Now I need a reason to kiss my own Luke?  
  
**LUKE**  
Your "own Luke"? Jesus, I sound like some stupid action figure…  
  
**LORELAI**  
With bendable arms and a plastic baseball cap melted onto your plastic hair backwards.  
  
**LUKE**  
Who the hell would buy one of those?  
  
**LORELAI**  
I know I would. I'd kiss it and play with it—  
  
**LUKE**  
Stop.

**LORELAI**  
…and pet it and bend it's little arms—  
  
**LUKE**  
I'll give you a donut if you just stop.  
  
**LORELAI**  
I love you.  
  
Lorelai kisses Luke's cheek. Luke rolls his eyes but he's obviously enjoying it.  
  
Rory enters (in her Chilton uniform).  
  
**LORELAI**  
What took you so long?  
  
**RORY**   
I tripped and all the stuff in my bag fell out. Then that stupid Rollins kid rode by on his bake and ran over my Bio lab, now I have another thing to do, and a very big scowl on my face.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Bad day?  
  
**RORY**  
Horrible.  
(to Luke)  
And Chance is on his way here, so I suggest you hide.  
  
**LUKE**  
Dammit!  
  
Luke exits into the kitchen just as Chance enters the Diner.  
  
Lorelai and Rory stare at him O. C.  
  
**LORELAI**  
He's getting creepier and creepier by the second.  
  
**RORY**  
I know.  
  
**LORELAI**   
It's entertaining!

**RORY**  
I know!  
  
We see that Chance is wearing a flannel shirt and a backwards baseball cap. He looks around the Diner and walks over to an empty table.  
  
Jess comes out from the apartment door and sees him.  
  
**JESS**  
Hey, I can't close up to— _AH, JESUS!_  
  
Jess jumps back and grabs his heart.  
  
**CHANCE**  
Are you okay?  
  
**JESS**  
(confused and gasping)  
Sorry, I just thought you were someone else.  
  
Jess surveys Chance critically.  
  
**CHANCE**  
Oh, no problem. You thought I was Luke?  
  
**JESS**  
Yeah. Sorry again.  
  
Chance smiles proudly as Jess walks away with a very annoyed face.  
  
Jess passes by Lorelai and Rory.  
**   
LORELAI**  
(to Jess)  
He's out back.  
  
**JESS**  
Thanks.  
  
Jess glances back to Chance, who is innocently looking over a menu. He adjusts his cap and clears his throat.  
  
**JESS**  
Godamn psychos in this town.  
  
**RORY**  
Hey…  
  
Jess looks sideways at Rory and smirks. Then he exits into the kitchen.  
  
  
**INT. LUKE'S DINER – KITCHEN – DAY**  
Luke is at the grill, making hamburgers.

Jess enters.  
  
**JESS**  
Single white male is outside.  
  
**LUKE**  
Damn! Is he looking for me?  
  
**JESS**  
Well, he's looking _like_ you…  
  
**LUKE**  
What?  
  
**JESS**  
Jesus, I just said, "Single white male."  
  
**LUKE**  
Never saw the movie.  
  
**JESS**  
Really?  
  
**LUKE**  
Bridget Fonda. It's like you and Hanson.  
  
**JESS**  
Those guys freak the hell out of me.  
  
**LUKE**  
My point exactly. Gives me goosebumps just thinking about her.  
  
**JESS**  
Anyway, stalker-dud's in a flannel shirt and some Canucks cap.  
  
**LUKE**  
Bastard.  
  
**JESS**  
I know, I mean, come on, the Canucks?  
  
**LUKE**  
This ends now.  
  
**JESS**  
That line sounds oddly familiar.  
  
**LUKE**  
Shut up and flip these.  
  
Luke shoves the burger flipper to Jess and throws the apron at him.  
  
**LUKE** (cont'd)  
Godamn psychos in this town.  
  
**JESS**  
Go get 'em, girlfriend.  
  
Luke exits.  
  
  
**INT. LUKE'S DINER – DAY**  
Luke emerges from the kitchen and looks around the Diner. His eyes fall on Chance's figure.  
  
**LUKE**  
Lord Almighty.  
  
Chance looks up and smiles.  
  
**CHANCE**  
Hey, Luke!  
  
Luke frowns and stalks over to Chance.  
  
Lorelai and Rory watch him.  
  
**LUKE**  
What the hell are you doing, Chance?  
  
**CHANCE**  
What?  
  
**LUKE**  
You think you can just sashay in here mocking my clothes?! I'll let you know, I spend a LONG time deciding on what to wear! It's not just, "Oh, I'll just wear flannel today." I have to look at length, color, design, shape, and fit!  
  
**LORELAI**  
Woohoo, for fit!  
  
**LUKE**  
I don't appreciate you dressing up as me, you damned square! While you think this is amusing, I am not a cartoon character to dress up as in costume parties!  
  
Chance's eyes start to well up with tears.  
  
**LUKE** (cont'd)  
Oh, don't do that stupid crying thing! You're a freaking man, for Pete's sake! I hate criers—whatever their gender may be, but come ON! Don't  
you have any testosterone?!  
  
**CHANCE**  
I… I just wanted to be like you! I just thought that you were cool! You have the best girlfriend—  
  
**LORELAI**  
A compliment, at last!  
  
**CHANCE**  
…you have a steady and decent job, you're not afraid of people, and you can survive in a hardware store all on your own! I'd kill to be like you, Luke!  
  
**LORELAI**  
Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Luke's face softens up and his shoulders droop.  
  
**CHANCE** (cont'd)  
You're everything Lourdes wants in a man!   
  
We see Lorelai mouth, "Lourdes?" at Rory.

Rory shrugs.  
  
**CHANCE** (cont'd)  
I thought that maybe if I shadow your moves a bit, I'd get the hang of it and finally impress her!  
(sniffs)  
But if I've offended you in any way, I apologise! Good day!  
  
Chance takes his cap off and throws it on the table with a SMACK. He shoves Luke out of his way and exits angrily.  
  
Luke stares after him.   
  
We hear Lorelai COUGH O. C.  
  
Luke looks at her and makes a face.  
  
Lorelai makes another face in return that says, "Get out there and talk to him!"  
  
**LUKE**  
All the stupid stuff only happens to me.  
  
Luke exits.  
  
Lorelai chuckles and stands.   
  
**LORELAI**  
Well, break over, babe. You just have to live without my greatness for a few hours. I know it'll be hard, but I know you'll survive.  
  
**RORY**  
I'm barely breathing without you.  
  
**LORELAI**  
You're funny. You should get into stand-up.  
  
**RORY**  
I'll be the next Jimmy Fallon.  
  
**LORELAI**  
I'll be counting on that.  
  
Lorelai exits, leaving Rory alone.  
  
Jess comes out with two plates of hamburgers. After he hands them to a table, he goes to the counter. He leans on the surface and close to Rory's face.  
  
**JESS**  
Howdy.  
  
**RORY**  
Hi, Jess.  
  
**JESS**  
So how's everything?  
  
**RORY**  
Peachy.  
  
**JESS**  
Dean still breathing?  
  
**RORY**  
Yes.  
  
**JESS**  
Damn.  
  
Rory rolls her eyes.  
  
**RORY**  
We broke up.  
  
Jess is suddenly interested.  
  
**JESS**  
Oh, really?  
  
**RORY**  
Yeah.

Jess sees that it's a serious moment and softens.  
  
**JESS**  
Are you going to be okay?  
  
**RORY**  
Yeah. It's just...  
(beat)  
So, how's Shane doing?  
  
**JESS**  
I don't know. She's out there, running around somewhere…  
  
**RORY**  
Jess…  
  
**JESS**  
I really don't know!  
  
**RORY**  
She's your girlfriend!  
  
**JESS**  
Not anymore.  
  
**RORY**  
What?  
  
**JESS**  
Broke up with me, too. Something about not listening to her needs. I really wasn't paying attention.  
  
**RORY**  
If I was your girlfriend, would you listen to me?  
  
**JESS**  
Oooh, hypothetical question…  
  
Rory realizes her mistake and slaps her mouth.  
  
**RORY**  
Oh, God! Don't answer that!  
  
**JESS**  
Well, if you were my girlfriend—  
  
**RORY**  
Stop right there!  
  
**JESS**  
...my little lady, my shorty, my boo, my missy—  
  
**RORY**  
I'm not listening!  
  
Rory starts singing "mmmBop" by Hanson.  
  
**JESS**  
Okay, okay, I'll stop! Stop singing! I still want my ears! How do you even know the words to that?!  
  
**RORY**  
Let's… forget this ever happened, okay?  
  
**JESS**  
You mean together with the night you said you wanted to make out with me?  
  
**RORY**  
Yes. Let's just stuff those moments in a box and throw it away in the figurative ocean in our brains.  
  
**JESS**  
I don't know… I kind of want to hold on to them. Just so I can laugh about them in the future.  
  
**RORY**  
I hate you.  
  
**JESS**  
Please.  
  
**RORY**  
Just… get back to work, you bum!  
  
**JESS**  
Aye, aye, cap'n.  
  
Jess salutes Rory and goes back to work.  
  
**   
EXT. SIDEWALK – DAY**  
Luke comes out of the Diner and looks around for Chance.  
  
He walks a few steps and finally finds Chance sitting on the side of the road with his head in his hands.  
  
Luke sighs in exasperation and sits beside him.  
  
**LUKE**  
Hey.  
  
**CHANCE**  
Haven't you ever felt that deep pain when someone you're head over heels in love with dates all the other losers out there but doesn't even look at you in particular twice?  
  
**LUKE**  
So this is about a girl.

**CHANCE**  
Lourdes.

**LUKE**  
Cool name. Reminds me of little girls with wide eyes and flouffy dresses holding daisies.  
  
Chance looks at him weirdly.  
  
Luke notices this and clears his throat.  
  
**LUKE** (cont'd)  
So, anyway, there's this girl you want to impress?  
  
**CHANCE**  
Yes.  
  
**LUKE**  
By being me.  
  
**CHANCE**  
It's a stupid idea, in retrospect.  
  
**LUKE**  
Hell, even NOT in retrospect.  
(beat)  
But listen, Chance. I went through the same thing. I know how that pang of jealousy that stabs you every time that girl kisses someone else feels like.   
  
**CHANCE**  
You do?  
  
**LUKE**  
Yeah. That feeling where you just want to break something to have some kind of outlet to your emotions.  
  
**CHANCE**  
Broke three pencils in half just thinking about it.  
  
**LUKE**  
But you don't have to be a carbon copy of me, Chance. Some kooky wardrobe change won't cut it. You just… you just have to suck it up and tell her.  
  
**CHANCE**   
What if she laughs in my face?  
  
**LUKE**  
Is she even worth this if you think that?  
  
**CHANCE**  
I guess not.  
  
Chance gives Luke a faint smile and looks down at his shoes.  
  
**CHANCE**  
So how does it feel on the other side of the line?  
  
**LUKE**  
Oh, it's bitchin'.  
  
Luke grins at something O. C.  
  
We see that it's Lorelai walking quickly towards the Independence Inn. She turns her head and gives Luke a dazzling smile. She trips a bit on a small rock but regains her balance.  
  
Luke chuckles softly.  
  
Lorelai blows him a kiss and runs off.  
  
**LUKE** (cont'd)  
Kicking rad.  
  
**CHANCE**  
I hate you.  
  
**LUKE**  
Come on, I'll give you some coffee. On the house.  
  
  
**EXT. GILMORE RESIDENCE – PORCH – DAY**  
Jess is standing on a ladder by the doorway, measuring the frame. He holds a tape measure against it and bites on a pencil.

Rory comes out and watches him.  
  
Jess ignores her for a while, but finally sighs.   
  
He takes the pencil out of his mouth and slips it behind his ear.  
  
**JESS**  
T.V. broken or something?  
  
**RORY**  
No. Just came out here thinking that maybe you need some help?  
  
**JESS**  
No, I'm fine. Luke's coming in a few minutes.  
  
**RORY**  
Can you come down for a second?  
  
**JESS**  
Do I have to? Just crane your neck!  
  
**RORY**  
I don't want to break it!  
  
**JESS**  
Fine.  
  
Jess gets off the ladder. But his foot gets caught somewhere and he falls backwards onto the porch.  
  
A great CRASH is heard (again) and Jess falls through the front porch.  
  
**RORY**  
Jess!  
  



	4. Movie Night

**EXT. GILMORE RESIDENCE – PORCH – DAY**  
Rory freezes for a moment and then looks into the hole that Jess had fallen through.  
  
**RORY**  
Jess? Jess! This isn't one of those sick, funny moments! Get up!  
  
No answer. Rory starts to panic. She pulls out her cell phone and makes a call.  
  
**RORY**  
Mom… come on… answer the phone!  
  
  
**INT. INDEPENDENCE INN – FRONT DESK – DAY**  
Lorelai is busy with a bunch of papers.   
  
The phone RINGS.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Independence Inn.  


**EXT. GILMORE RESIDENCE – DAY**  
Rory is holding the phone to her ear.  
  
**RORY**  
I think I just killed Jess.  
  
**   
INT. INDEPENDENCE INN – DAY**  
Lorelai drops her pencil to the floor. She disappears under the front desk in search for it.  
**   
LORELAI** (O. C.)  
Rory, that wasn't a very good joke. A joke is supposed to be funny. And funny usually concerns clowns, pies, Johnny Knoxville…   
(beat)  
Not manslaughter.  
  
**   
EXT. GILMORE RESIDENCE – DAY**  
Rory smacks her forehead.  
  
**RORY**  
I'm serious! He fell off the ladder and went through the porch!  
  
**   
INT. INDEPENDENCE INN – DAY**  
Lorelai's head pops up from behind the front desk.  
  
**LORELAI**  
What?! Is he breathing?  
  
  
**EXT. GILMORE RESIDENCE – DAY**  
Rory starts pulling on her hair.  
  
**RORY**  
I don't know! He's UNDER THE HOUSE!  
  
  
**INT. INDEPENDENCE INN – DAY**  
Lorelai grabs her bag and shoves the papers to MICHEL, who has just come into the shot.  
  
**MICHEL**  
Hey, don't do that. It chafes my Donna Karen suit. It's new. It's expensive.  
  
**LORELAI**  
(to Rory on the phone)  
Call Luke. I'll be right there.  
  
  
**INT. HOSPITAL – DAY**  
Luke, Rory and Lorelai stand around Jess' bed in the hospital.   
  
Jess is slightly woozy.  
  
The DOCTOR examines Jess' charts.  
  
**RORY**  
Is he going to be okay?  
  
**DOCTOR**   
Yep. He's just resting. His back's a bit on the technicolour side. He's got a dislocated shoulder after he hit it against the wood. He also twisted his ankle. But he's groovy.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Now, there's a fun word.  
  
**LUKE**  
Were you able to, uh, fix him?  
  
Doctor Brown smiles and pulls Jess upright.  
  
**DOCTOR**  
I'll be doing that right now. Nothing disgusting. Just—  
  
He takes Jess hand.  
  
A NURSE comes by and holds Jess steady.  
  
The Doctor yanks at Jess' hand. We hear a small POP.  
  
Jess' eyes bug out and he grimaces.  
  
**JESS**  
AUGH!  
  
**LORELAI**  
Eew.  
  
**DOCTOR**  
Hah! You should have seen his ankle a few minutes ago. It actually looked like that hairy fellow from _Monsters Inc_.  
  
**LUKE**  
Oh, God.  
  
**LORELAI**  
The movie or the ankle?

Luke puts a hand to his stomach, looking very sick.  
  
**   
EXT. SIDEWALK – DAY**  
We see Jess leaning on a crutch, his foot wrapped in a thick cast. He is (obviously) in a bad mood.  
  
He limps out of the Diner as he sees Rory coming toward him.  
  
Rory sees him and comes closer.  
  
**RORY**  
How's the ankle?  
  
**JESS**  
Normal. If you could call it that.  
  
**RORY**  
I'm really sorry, Jess.  
  
**JESS  
**It's not your fault you called me down the ladder which resulted in my various injuries.  
(beat)  
Oh, wait. It is.  
  
Jess rolls his eyes and starts to move; but his crutch hits Rory's foot.  
  
Rory yelps and jumps.  
  
Jess loses his balance and falls onto Rory.  
  
**RORY**  
Yah!  
  
**JESS**  
Oh, good God.  
  
They lay there for a moment, looking at each other nervously.  
  
**RORY**  
Are you okay?  
  
**JESS**  
Uh, yeah. Are you?  
  
**RORY**  
Never better.   
(beat)  
This was my fault again, wasn't it?  
  
**JESS**  
Yeah.  
(beat)  
I'd get off you, but I'm pretty much handicapped.  
  
**RORY**  
I'd stand and help you, but I'm pinned to the ground.  
  
**LORELAI** (O. C.)  
Hey! "Sex on the streets" was not a literal term!  
  
Lorelai walks over to them and helps Jess up.   
  
Rory stands, dusts her pants off, and hands Jess the crutch that started it all.  
  
**LORELAI**  
You guys okay?  
  
**JESS**  
Yeah.   
(beat)  
Thanks.  
  
**LORELAI**  
What? I think I got a chunk of hair gel in my ear. Did you just thank me?  
  
**JESS**  
Yeah. Don't get used to it, though.  
  
Jess walks (or, actually, hobbles) away.  
  
**LORELAI**  
(flustered)  
… I won't!  
  
**JESS** (O. C.)  
Nice comeback!  
  
Lorelai makes a fist and shakes it in front of her.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Oooh. If he wasn't on crutches, I'd… BANG!  
  
She punches the air in front of her.  
  
**RORY**  
Come on, let's go.  
  
They enter Luke's Diner.  
  
  
**INT. LUKE'S DINER – DAY**  
Luke sees Lorelai and Rory enter.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Hey, manly man.  
  
Luke rolls his eyes.  
  
**LUKE**  
I could report you for assault, you know.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Okay. You do that.  
(beat)  
So, movie tonight?  
  
**LUKE**  
What movie?  
  
**LORELAI**  
I don't know.  
  
**LUKE**  
Sure.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Great.  
  
**LUKE**  
Meet you at your house at seven.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Charming.  
  
**LUKE**  
Oh, damn!  
  
**LORELAI**  
What's up? Got another girl lined up for tonight?  
  
**LUKE**  
Jess!  
  
**LORELAI**  
Jess? Can I say, "Ew?" and "You should be arrested?"  
  
**LUKE**  
No, Jess kind of needs me tonight.   
  
**LORELAI**  
Personal slave?  
  
**LUKE**  
Something like that.  
  
**RORY**  
I'll do it.  
  
They both look at Rory.  
  
**RORY**  
What? I just feel really guilty for doing that to him.  
  
**LORELAI**  
Sure.  
  
**RORY**  
It's true! I'm Guilty Gilda!  
  
**LORELAI**  
Guilty Gilda.  
  
**RORY**  
Yes!  
(beat)  
Someone who's really feeling bad about what she's done!  
  
**LUKE**  
(to Lorelai)  
Stop harassing your kind-hearted daughter.  
(to Rory)  
Thanks, Rory.  
  
**RORY**  
(to Lorelai)  
See? Luke here understands the concept of feeling bad!  
  
**LUKE**  
No, I was just trying to let you off the hook. A hook, which, apparently, you cannot let go of.  
  
**RORY**  
There is no hook!  
  
**LUKE**  
Okay. Sure, Rory, whatever you say.  
  
**RORY**  
Since when did you two become the super-evil-to-Rory couple?  
  
**LORELAI**  
Since you said, "I'll do it!"  
  
**RORY**  
I can just see the two of you meeting in some random room, with blueprints and evil mad scientist coats, just snickering evilly at the next plan you have to torture me.  
  
**LORELAI**  
We have matching evil spandex suits, too.

**RORY**  
I will never win this, will I?

**LORELAI**  
There's two of us and only one of you, Rambo.

**INT. LUKE'S APARTMENT – NIGHT**  
The door OPENS and Rory peeks inside.  
  
Jess is leaning on the countertop in the kitchen, reading the directions in a can.  
  
**RORY**  
Hey, Jess!  
  
Jess jumps and drops the can to the floor with a THUMP.  
  
Rory enters.  
  
**RORY**  
Sorry.  
  
**JESS**  
Hey, at least it didn't hit my foot or anything.  
(beat)  
What are you doing here?  
  
Rory bends to pick up the can.  
  
**RORY**  
Keeping you company.  
  
**JESS**  
Personal slave? Alright!  
  
**RORY**  
Look, Jess, I'm really—  
  
**JESS**  
If you say, "Sorry" one more time, I will seriously hit myself with this meat tenderizer.  
  
**RORY**  
Okay. So—  
  
Jess picks the metal mallet up threateningly.  
  
**RORY** (cont'd)  
Okay. Okay.  
  
An awkward silence develops between them.  
  
Jess starts to fiddle with the meat tenderizer.  
  
**JESS**  
So, how'd Lorelai react when you told her that you were no longer part of the SuperCouple?  
  
**RORY**  
She was pretty calm about it. She knew it wasn't working.  
  
**JESS**  
Did you?  
  
**RORY**  
(thinks)  
I guess I did, but I didn't want it to be true.  
  
**JESS**  
Denial is always the way to go.  
  
**RORY**  
It's not just a river in Egypt, either.  
  
Rory stares at Jess intently. And surprisingly, Jess looks away first.  
  
**JESS**  
Want to see a movie?  
  
**RORY**  
I hear it's all the rage.  
  
**JESS**  
Which one?  
  
**RORY**  
Whatever works for me.  
  
**JESS**  
I have…  
  
**CUT** **TO**: A few moments later.  
  
The apartment is now dark, only the light from the movie illuminates the scene.  
  
Jess has his foot propped up and Rory sits with her legs tucked under her. Between them, a bowl of chips.  
  
Jess turns his head a bit to see Rory staring at his bandaged ankle.  
  
**JESS**  
Will you stop staring at it? It's really not your fault, you know. Well, it is, but I'm not holding any grudges.  
  
**RORY**  
But I still feel bad about it.  
  
**JESS**  
Don't.  
  
Rory lifts her eyes to look at Jess.  
  
She smiles lightly.  
  
Her eyes widen as Jess slowly leans closer until their faces are a few inches apart. It's just like the movie, which we see in the background.  
  
Rory is breathing hard now, excited and nervous at the same time. She closes her eyes and waits.  
  
Jess comes closer. Closer. A bit more.   
  
Then, he STOPS.  
  
Rory quickly opens her eyes.  
  
**RORY**  
He—  
  
Before she continues, Jess suddenly kisses her.  
  
Rory closes her eyes and puts her arms around Jess, pulling him to her.  
  
Jess suddenly breaks away—  
  
**JESS**  
Ankle! Watch the ankle!  
  
  
**INT. LUKE'S APARTMENT (HALLWAY) – NIGHT**  
Lorelai and Luke are back from their date.   
  
Lorelai puts her arms around Luke and kisses him.  
  
Luke smiles and opens the door.  
  
Jess and Rory are still kissing, no longer watching the movie, which is already rolling the credits.  
  
Lorelai and Luke look at each other knowingly for a second.  
  
**LORELAI**  
My place?  
  
**LUKE**  
Hell, yeah.  
  
  
**EXT. SIDEWALK – NIGHT**  
Luke puts his arm around Lorelai. We follow them as they walk towards Lorelai's house.   
  
On the way there, we pass by CHANCE, who is hugging a girl tightly. Most likely, it's LOURDES.  
  
**END**.  
  



End file.
